“Ice-Age Columbus”?

While watching the/my old favorite Pre-Panthers NFL team The Washington Redskins beat the Terrell Owens-less Philly Eagles (though it’s hard to root against Donovan McNabb) on ESPN, I surfed in and out of one of those contemporary docu-speculations on The Discovery Channel about the possibility of human beings reaching the up until then uninhabited North American (snicker, snicker, Sorry) continent 17,000 years ago, a full five thousand years prior to when a handful of bored Chinese and Russians tourists crossed the (speculative) land bridge from Northern East Asia across the then-dry Bearing Strait into North America and then down the coast to become the first Californians, this new speculation based on some high-tech-for-their-day giant spear points found in a confirmed (snicker, snicker, Sorry, can’t help myself at times) Carbon 14-dated layer of soil (C-14 can date soil?…geez, I didn’t know that!) somewhere in the Virginia hills that a hearty band of European neolithic people on their Queen Mary Rocks cruise wound up crossing the Atlantic along by following the edge of what was then a giant Artic polar ice sheet stretching from all of Europe to the eastern coast of Nord Amerika….yeah, sounds like a Steve Martin sketch they stole but didn’t give him writing credit for, but it gets better.

 The documentarty then interviews an evolutionary geneticist (I suppose he evolved from a basal cell geneticist) who’s confirmed that something like 25%+ of all so-called “Native Americans” or “First Peoples” actually have mitocondrial and other DNA traces that confirmed that there indeed was, and I’m risking being a tad racist here without meaning to, a white person somewhere in the beyond-millenia-ancient genetic woodpile, i.e., you probably have at least as much American Indian in you as many NA tribes have European traces in them from the way-back, but still….but still, it raises a question I just love to raise…is the modern race of man so blindly and arrogantly filled with hubris that he really thinks his ancestors were just stupid, lumbering oafs and he’s not?

There is a blind spot in our collective unconscious that begins approximately 12,500 years ago, it’s like we as the race of humans have collective amnesia of any events that took place prior to then and for reasons which almost have never been speculated on let investigated in any scientific way and yet, yet I ask you: do you really believe that our common ancestors, no matter what so-called “race” they might have been, weren’t truly as smart or smarter than you, Gentle Reader, might be?

Nature abhors a vacuum and mankind is basically lazy at time and luxury-loving at all times. Why does the hubris of modern athropologists if not our collective arrogance try to insist that our foreparents couldn’t do something relatively simple like find for whatever reason unoccupied lands where the climate was good and the food more plentiful and then settled in?

It’s the imperitive of our species to indeed be fruitful and multiply and to be able to do that means you have to have enough natural resources to be able to feed all those new mouths your tribe will soon have once you find a Good Land Under The Cope Of Heaven.

So, why indeed does modern culture insist that this huge, beautiful, bountiful land we now call North America and grudglingly share with Canada and Mexico (well, we do need Canada for our rock bands and Mexico for the next great crop of world-class chefs) was homo sapien-less until a bunch of neolithic Japanese tourists wanted to visit Disney Mastadon Land in Southern California about twelve thousand years ago and up until then no human being had ever had the decency to throw a cigarette butt away in the supposed-pristine empty vastness of a swath of prime real estate just waiting for the right buyer at the right price?

I don’t know if evidence can or will ever be found for this my own speculation, but I bet somewhere out there is evidence that human beings not only settled North America from Europe 17,000 instead of 12,000 years ago but basically every inhabitable-and-productive-at-the-time corner of the globe has always had humans occupy it until natural climate changes or temporary natural disasters forced them to leave or killed them only to have a new bunch of humans show up when the climate got better and/or the effects of natural disasters had passed and this has always been so not for 17,000 years or 50,000 or even 100,000 years but basically way back into the true pre-history, ever since mankind as a specie has existed. Nature abhors a vacuum and most of our ancestors loved their surf-and-turf for dinner, even if they had to emigrate occasionally from Europe to Maine or Florida to be able to find a decent restaurant to get it at.

And when some damn fool scientist hunting for a good spot to take pictures of his buddies on the Ross Ice Shelf while doing a summer tour in the Antartic accidentally finds proof-positive that neolithic human beings once occupied what we now call The South Pole, Antartica (Antarctica was once a lush, tropical paradise before the continents played musical land masses and the North and South magnetic poles shifted, many eons ago, it’s in the current scientific record, look it up if you have any doubts), then boy-oh-boy, I can’t wait to hear the Asians-First and collective amnesiasts just scramble for hilarilously funny “explanations” of said evidence, Hehehehehee.



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